anxiety, passion and position

8-11-21

I had a wonderful conversation with a client yesterday regarding their anxiety and some new insight acquired.

#1 most people are so self-absorbed that they will never notice you.

#2 making all the things you are worried and anxious about pointless because most of those things are about what other people think.


Most people have the desire to be seen and known but have little desire to see and know others. You see this with people that love their kids or themselves to be praised and noticed by strangers but have no interest in offering support to strangers - or even people they know. In fact, many fear strangers. People focus on microscopic things like hair and makeup and nails and little bumps, skin imperfections ,cloths etc. all topical things. The ability to manage discomfort is small for most people.


One of the hardest things I do is try to get people outside of their own selves and the views and beliefs they have. I don’t want to change their views and beliefs. I want to broaden them so they can see that others have different views and beliefs and are still worthy of care and compassion without judging by their own tiny position in life. we are all pretty tiny.


People revolve in a tight spin of their own world. They teach their kids to do the same. This is why I want to see the kids not hear the parents’ version of how the kids are. because it is mostly never accurate. Parents tell me all kinds of reasons kids behave the way they do. Parents tell me all kinds of wonderful things kids say and do and they generally misunderstand and misinterpret it. To protect their own ego and parenting picture they present their kids in good light even if their kid is being a total ass. (I know – I have kids) and my kids have been total ass’… I skipped over that because it made me look bad. That general human nature. Skip over what makes us look bad. People like to look good and say the correct things to fit in to their chosen social group. That is generally where the brain ruts' of dementia come from (just FYI).


Some people constantly tell me what good parents they are. Yet their kids are out of control. They might want to be good parents, but they are mostly unable to set boundaries and kids need/want boundaries and rules to feel safe. Good parenting is not a real thing. It’s a people pleasing social label.


Just be a parent that your kids need. Forget the good label of good or bad.


When I work with families, I see the same blind spots in each member of the family. It’s interesting. Especially when I deal with generations. Frequently the group stuck in the middle is in the worst health because the book ends are very demanding. The blind spots were passed from generation to generation and the proof is in the book end behavior. The book ends are usually extreme, and the middle can’t find peace because they need to please. They are hammered from both sides.


You all know that raising your kids does not prove your worth as a parent? that comes when your kids raise your grandkids - I'm not talking toddlers, I'm talking the adults they turn out to be. That’s also where generational curse concepts apply. If they are so bound by the pattern to keep it going or so blind by the belief that it does not exist that they keep it going too.


The common phrase of new parents is “we are going to do it differently” is almost always a guarantee that its so deeply imbedded it cannot be seen. Its kind of like the person that has an entire family of diabetics or addicts that ignores the markers by professing “that will never happen to me”.. that’s the bingo phrase of “get ready” cause its coming. We humans are so stinking predictable.


Just like health and lab work. life patterns dictate overall outcomes. It’s the daily beliefs and observations. The more passion of a position the more potential for emotional instability and anxiety and ill health. Those people put their passion above all else and secure blind spots.